Dating a man who has children is like adding another stone to juggle. He is already trying to be the best father, and then you come in, and he wants to be a perfect partner. It could overwhelm even the strongest person.
The circumstances under which your boyfriend separated from the daughter’s mother could greatly affect how he behaves in her company. In this article, we look at why your boyfriend ignores you when the daughter is around and how you can sort it out.
Reasons Your Boyfriend Could Be Ignoring You
She Is His Responsibility
Ideally, your boyfriend should give you all the attention, especially in a new relationship. When you date a man who has a daughter, his attention will be divided between you and her. It is important to remember that the daughter is his responsibility and deserves time with him. Allow him time with the daughter, old or young. The father-daughter bond strengthens with age, so don’t expect him not to spend time with his adult daughter.
He Wants To Protect Her
Naturally, fathers tend to be protective of their daughters. Your boyfriend wants the best for his daughter and may want to keep her away from anything that could hurt her. If he realizes you have ill feelings towards the girl, he will want to safeguard her. If the girl’s mother died, he might be afraid of losing her too.
He may also not be ready to introduce you into her life. If the daughter is still grieving, he may want to give her time to heal before bringing another perceived competitor into her life.
He Does Not See Her Often
If your boyfriend doesn’t see his daughter often, he will most likely want to maximize the time they are together. This is more so when they have joint custody with the girl’s mother. You could find out their scheduled time of meeting and allow them time to catch up.
Remember this is his daughter, not any other woman he is spending time with. He wants to catch up with her studies, social life, and anything concerning her.
He Is Stonewalling You
Your boyfriend may be stonewalling intentionally and using the daughter as an excuse. Stonewalling is when someone avoids communicating or interacting with another. It is commonly known as cold treatment.
It could be an indication your boyfriend is no longer interested in you. He could also treat you with contempt or resentment to push you away. Some of the reasons why one can stonewall you are fear, frustration, and abuse. Your boyfriend could have noted a problem in your relationship but is unwilling or unable to verbalize it.
Your boyfriend may be guilty of causing his daughter’s mother to leave or die. It could be so or just imagined, but the fact is that he feels guilty. In his attempt to cover up, he spends his time with the daughter.
He Is Unable To Balance
Your boyfriend may be unable to strike a balance between you and his daughter. If your relationship is new, allow him time to learn the ropes. You could also have a candid talk on how he can improve on handling the two of you.
You Could Be Insecure
Your boyfriend may not be a problem here, but you. You might be insecure and suspicious of everything your boyfriend does, including spending time with his daughter. Insecurity is common in the early stages of your relationship when you are sure of if it will work out or not.
To overcome insecurity in your relationship, stop overthinking and try to build your self-esteem. Deal with the root cause of the insecurity. For instance, if you were hurt or betrayed in your previous relationship, let go of the past. You could seek counseling to overcome past traumas if there are any.
How To Deal With Your Boyfriend’s Behavior Of Ignoring You
Avoid assuming your boyfriend understands you are hurting when he ignores you and spends time with the daughter. Have a candid talk about how he can balance the time he spends with each of you. You could also talk to a trustworthy family member or friend. Where possible, find out what ended your boyfriend’s previous relationship. He could have an issue that needs more attention.
If your boyfriend does not see his daughter often, it will be fair enough to allow them time together. Give them space to catch up without interference. After all, she will leave and give you time with him.
As sighted above, your boyfriend could still be grieving or trying to overcome divorce or separation from the ex-wife. You could encourage him to seek therapy to overcome guilt and grief. If he is stonewalling you, therapy might help solve the root cause of such behavior. You can have individual and couple therapy.
In a new relationship, you could give your boyfriend time to adjust and learn how to deal with you and his daughter.
If all other options we have discussed above fail, quitting could be the only viable option. Your boyfriend could not be willing to change or have you in his daughter’s life. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled in a relationship. It may not be an easy decision, but it could be the best way out.
In conclusion, your boyfriend could be ignoring you when the daughter is around for several reasons. They include the guilt of causing her mother to leave or die, the desire to protect her, an excuse to stonewall you, or a lack of knowledge on balancing time with you and her. To solve such an issue, you need to get to the root cause and get an appropriate solution.