Building a relationship in any setting is hard, but having a bond with a stepchild could be harder. You, your boyfriend, or his son can ruin your relationship if you can’t blend in well. You must identify the root cause of the problem to handle it appropriately. In this article, we look at possible reasons that can make your son ruin your relationship with your boyfriend and how to sort them out.
Possible Reasons For Your Boyfriend’s Son Ruining Your Relationship
There Is no ideal way of parenting, but there are behaviors that can make one recognize a child who has not been brought up well. Such habits include; disrespect, rudeness, verbal abuse, violating set boundaries and rules, and physical abuse.
Any parent who encourages such behaviors is not instilling virtues into a child and could ruin other relationships. The way out is to re-parent, which may be harder for older children.
This son has lost his mother through death or separation. Ordinarily, one goes through a grieving cycle before accepting loss and adjusting to a new lifestyle. It is harder for children to process grief and loss, and takes a long time to heal and reconcile with the eventuality. Your boyfriend’s son could be in the process of healing and thus project his pain to you. Allow the child time to grieve and if possible, get him professional help.
Remember this child or adult son has a past that may make him develop an attitude toward his dad’s girlfriends. You may not be the first partner since the departure of his mom. If your previous girlfriend maltreated him or the dad, the son is likely to ruin your relationship to avoid a repeat of the same.
Also, if he had a bad relationship with his mother, your presence could remind him of the bitter past. Bad experiences could make him have mistrust and resentment.
Before you came into your boyfriend’s life, he had undivided attention to his son. Your presence could strain this attention, and the boy may see you as a competitor. He may want to ruin your relationship to regain full attention from the dad. If your boyfriend can balance attention between you and the son, it could also strain your relationship.
Your boyfriend’s son may want to be protective of the mother, especially if she is alive. Boys usually have a strong bond with their mothers and may still be longing for that tie. His mother could also poison his mind against you, causing him to resist you.
Cultural Or Value System Differences
If you hold different values or cultural beliefs from your boyfriend, you could perceive the boy as ruining your relationship. This is particularly harder if your boyfriend’s son is mature. It might be hard for him to reconcile your values and theirs since you all have reasons for believing in what you believe in. The community may also not be kind to you, especially family members, and may incite the son against you.
How He Found Out About You
For instance, if you were in an affair with the dad while still married or having a relationship with the mother, this boy will resent you and might do anything to ruin your relationship. It gets trickier if the father plays a victim of your tricks or traps. It is essential to be introduced to the son rightly if you want to enjoy a good relationship. He should not perceive you as the reason the parents separated.
Your Boyfriend Could Be The Cause
Maybe this is the last thought you want to entertain in your mind, but your partner could be the reason his son is ruining your relationship. If he disrespects, abuses you physically or emotionally, is rude, badmouths, or humiliates you in front of the son, the boy will follow suit and ruin your relationship. If your boyfriend doesn’t treat you as a respectable woman, you are in for a rude shock.
You Could Be The Problem Too
In some instances, you could be the problem. You are competing for attention and love from the same man with the son, and any perceived imbalance could make you imagine his son is ruining your relationship. You could be guilty if you ruined your boyfriend’s marriage, jealous of the bond between dad and son, or you could have developed a hatred for the boy. Before blaming the son, you should check whether you could be the problem.
How To Deal With A Boyfriend’s Son Who Ruins Your Relationship
These tips could help you sort out;
- Work as a team with your boyfriend. Avoid showing his son your differences; he could take advantage and ruin your relationship.
- Set and establish rules of engagement and follow them consistently.
- Seek professional help if matters get out of hand.
- Be patient. It takes time to build relationships; work on yours patiently.
- Take care of yourself. Avoid neglecting your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health.
- You are not a supermum; stop acting like one. You cannot be a replacement for your boyfriend’s son’s mom.
- Communicate consistently with your boyfriend about your expectations and disappointments and seek possible solutions.
- Disengage. If your boyfriend is not cooperative or the son isn’t changing, it is okay to disengage from the boy’s life. Let the father handle the son and do not allow them to pile pressure on when and how to engage in his life.
- Exit. If your life or health is at risk, you would better end the relationship. Do not force things out; it could cost you more than you can imagine.
In conclusion, your boyfriend’s son could ruin your relationship due to poor parenting, unprocessed grief, lack of attention, or influence by the mother and other people surrounding him. On the other hand, your boyfriend could be a bad influence on his son. You could also be projecting your issues and assuming the boy is ruining your relationship.