My Daughter Is Distancing Herself From Me
The older your daughter gets the more likely she is to distance herself. This is more common, especially in her 20s when she has no real reasons to speak to you regularly. Still, It’s painful, and trying to fix the issue during its first stages is crucial.
In some situations, like in teenage years, it’s normal for your daughter to pull away. During this time, your daughter is developing her personality and may need space for that. Don’t take it personally, as most likely you’ve not done anything wrong.
However, there are some instances when you need to be concerned. And to address this, you need to know the root cause of your daughter’s distancing. Stay put!
Why Is Your Daughter Distancing Herself From You
Why your daughter distances herself from you may be caused by various factors, depending on their age. Here are possible reasons (based on age) that can make a daughter distance herself from her parent.
0-12 Year Old
If your daughter falls in this category and distances herself from you, it can concern you more. She may not be at the age where it’s typical for her to pull away, but she’s doing that. In this case, here are possible reasons:
- She’s maturing early – sometimes your daughter distancing herself from you could be due to early maturity. This is especially common if she’s 11 years but behaves like a 14-year-old. Pulling away, in this case, may not be weird as she’s growing early. Remember, nowadays girls are growing and maturing earlier than back them.
- Unpleasant home environment – if the home environment is not peaceful and there are issues, your daughter may pull away. It’s common for young girls (below 12 years) to pull away when having problems with their parents. Parents that are too strict will result in their daughters distancing themselves from them at any age.
So, if you’re a helicopter parent, your daughter may distance herself from you for a breath of fresh air. This is even more common during the years when things are supposed to be fun. You cannot be overbearing and wonder why your daughter pulls away.
13-19 Year Old
If your daughter is in high school and distances herself from you, that’s normal. Girls at this age pull away from their parents into their friends. And although you shouldn’t be overly concerned, there are some things to rule out. Here are possible reasons to make 13-19-year-olds distance themselves from their parents:
- Drugs – this may be unlikely, but possible. When teens are drawn by drugs, they start distancing themselves from parents and friends. If you have worries about your daughter, ensure you contact National Addiction Center.
- Depression – high school pressure, academically and socially can cause some teens to fall into depression. If that’s your case, check SAMHSA’s National Helpline on the best way forward.
- Boyfriend/Girlfriend – if your daughter is in a relationship that she’s not comfortable telling you about, she can begin distancing herself from you. Whenever you disapprove of someone your daughter is dating, she may start having a secret life separate from yours. This may include keeping her phone away from you, to lying about where she’d gone.
If your dating stand is staunch, this may be the reason for her pulling away. Most high school students date at least once in high school. And if you don’t want your daughter to distance herself from you when she’s dating, you need to have an open conversation about her dating life.
As a parent, your girl may find it difficult to talk to you. That’s because parents often speak to their kids in a judgmental tone, making the kids unlikely to talk to the parents.
So, if none of these issues fits your scenario, then most likely it’s a phase your daughter is going through.
20 Year And Above
If your daughter is 20 years and above and distances herself from you, then this is dangerous. At this point, your daughter’s relationship with you is optional, especially if she doesn’t stay with you.
Don’t think that your daughter will remain as close to you as when she was younger. As women age, they begin having friends, partners, and social groups. Your daughter may even have a job and a partner that may take up a considerable amount of her time.
There’s probably much happening in your daughter’s life now, and you as the parents seem to take a backseat. So, don’t take this personally. Her pulling away at this age doesn’t mean that her relationship with you is ending. As long as everything’s good and there’s nothing sour between you and her, your daughter may be learning to deal with her adult life.
On the other hand, if there’s bad blood between you and her, your relationship may be in dangerous waters. Remember, the more independent your daughter is, the easier it is for her to distance herself from you.
How To Keep Your Daughter From Distancing From You
If your daughter is still young, try to make the home environment as pleasant as possible. Be understanding and make your home the safest place she can come to.
If she’s a teen, avoid criticising, being overbearing, or being overly strict. Give her freedom based on her responsibility level and treat her like an adult. She’ll feel respected and loved, and find it easier to come to you in case of any challenges.
Lastly, if your daughter is an adult, treat her like one but don’t overdo it. Don’t call her multiple times or complain when she doesn’t call you often. Once or twice a week is okay. Schedule dinner once a month (your treat). If she declines don’t be emotional just reschedule. In short, be someone your daughter looks forward to spending time with, not one she has to spend time with.
If you think your daughter is distancing herself from you, that’s likely a phase she’s going through. If she’s a teen, you may have to look more into her home life. If she’s an adult, you need to approach the relationship delicately, as she has a say regarding her relationship with you.
All the same, love your daughter and do what’s best in her interest. In the end, she’ll realize what she’s missing.