It is frustrating to a parent when you realize your child only wants you for what you can give them. The desire to have a relationship with other humans is innate. As a parent, you want to have a bond with your children beyond finances and other materialistic items. When your daughter only reaches out to you only for money can be frustrating. There are various reasons why she might be doing that. In this article, I look at some causes and solutions for such behavior.
Why My Daughter Only Wants Me For Money
Entitlement Dependence Syndrome(EDS)
EDS is a primary cause that may make your daughter only want you for money. If your daughter has EDS, she will exaggeratingly depend on others for her survival. Some of the traits of a person with entitled dependence include;
- Placing unreasonable demands on others, expecting them to sort them out.
- Arrogant, argumentative, and always willing to pick a fight.
- Non-empathetic, unkind, get angry quickly, and ungrateful.
- Do not take it kindly when you decline her request.
When a child is not able to go through physiological and psychological changes, they are likely to develop EDS. Other causes of EDS are narcissism, growing up in a critical environment, or a family with no psychological boundaries between members. Such a child won’t develop their identity.
How To Deal With EDS
If your daughter is an adult, encourage them to seek help from a professional. She needs to realize she has a problem that requires a solution. Withdraw your financial support progressively unless in emergency cases. In the case of younger girls, start training them on how to respect others, be empathetic, and allow them room to make independent decisions. Be patient with them as the change may take time. If untreated, EDS could lead to depression, unhappiness, disappointments, and conflict in other relationships.
You Are Used To Compensating Your failures With Money
You might realize you don’t have enough time with your daughter. If you form a habit of compensating for your absence, failures, disappointments, and guilt by giving her money. Your daughter will grow up equating you to materials.
She will not value a relationship with her and will see you as a cash dispenser, not a parent. The way out is to avoid compensating for your failures with money. For instance, you can plan for a dinner date once in a while if you have a tight work schedule that makes you not see your daughter often.
You may find yourself caring a lot about your child. You want to help them out any time they get into trouble. You may have a good reason because no one wants to see their child suffer. Well, that is where you go wrong. Your child will not be able to get a solution on their own and will always expect them to bail them out. Your daughter might have gotten used to your disproportionate compassion. That’s why she wants you only when she is in need.
Lack Of Financial Discipline
Your daughter may have poor spending habits that lead her to be broke perpetually, and every time she thinks of coming to you, she needs more money. Encourage your daughter to work within a budget and avoid impulse and unnecessary purchases. If she is not working and requires your support, let her account for what you gave her earlier. Accountability will instill financial discipline.
Your daughter may be outrightly selfish. She thinks no one or nothing else matters apart from her. For instance, a selfish daughter will demand gifts and special treatment during a sibling’s special day. If she gets used to such selfish behavior in childhood, she may find it hard to drop it in adulthood.
You Are Over Generous
Generosity is a virtue, but when you overdo it, it becomes harmful. Your daughter might have gotten used to you giving her money even when she doesn’t require it. She grows with this expectation and will develop a habit of looking for you only for money.
Lack Of Bond
If you don’t have strong ties with your daughter, she will only value your money and not you. If she senses rejection, over criticism, or embarrassment, she may be unable to draw close to you.
How To Stop Your Daughter from Coming To You For Money Only
We have seen some of the reasons why your daughter might be coming to you only for money. These tips could help you discourage this behavior and strengthen your relationship with her.
- Stop compensating your failures for money. Find out non-monetary ways of making up for the gaps you have with your daughter.
- Encourage positive behavior. When your daughter makes positive progress, recognize and reinforce positively.
- Encourage her to earn her own money. Allow your daughter to do age-appropriate chores for pay. For your older daughter, let her get a job and earn a living. It may sound mean, but it’s the only way she can learn to be responsible.
- Set and establish reasonable boundaries in the family. Let your daughter know your limits and consistently follow the set boundaries.
- Teach her skills that can help her make money.
- Be a role model. If your daughter sees you only reach out to people when you need money, she will develop the same behavior.
- Talk it out. Your daughter needs to know what she is doing is inappropriate. Come up with a solution together.
- Ask for support. If the behavior gets out of hand, seek help from your spouse, family, or a professional such as a financial planner or therapist.
In conclusion, it is frustrating if your daughter only wants you for money. As highlighted above, there are several reasons why she behaves like that. After understanding the root cause, the tips above could help you stop this behavior. Happy parenting!