If you’ve dated a man with a grown, manipulative daughter, you know how it feels to be in such a situation. Everyone craves peace and harmony in their relationships, but sometimes that’s not the reality.
When your boyfriend’s daughter is manipulative, you’ll need to address this before moving deeper into the relationship. And although you may feel sympathetic about the daughter, that doesn’t mean you put up with her rudeness. Doing so can drive a wedge between you and your boyfriend.
So how should you go about the whole situation? Hang in here to establish how to deal with your boyfriend’s manipulative daughter.
How To Deal With Your Boyfriend’s Manipulative Daughter
To maintain a healthy relationship with your boyfriend and his daughter, you need to handle this situation as delicately as possible. Here’s how to do so:
Take Note Of The Manipulation Incidences
The first thing you need to do is to note down the various manipulation incidences by your boyfriend’s daughter. So, the next time your boyfriend’s daughter manipulates you, your boyfriend, or anyone unrelated, point it out to your boyfriend. That’s because you’ll need his help tackling this issue; hence, he also needs to notice the incidents.
Don’t try to approach the daughter alone. Start by ensuring you and your boyfriend are on the same page. This way, it would be easy to devise a strategy together. Besides, your boyfriend knows his daughter more than you do and thus, you need him there when conversing with her.
Note down 3-4 incidents where the daughter has manipulated you, someone, or a situation. This will help and give you backup evidence if she denies the claim.
Remember, this is not an us-verses-her-situation. So, drop that mentality if you have it, as it will likely cause arguments. And if things worsened, your boyfriend would probably choose his daughter no matter how wrong she may be.
Have A Conversation
Although you and your boyfriend are going to confront his daughter about the scenario, you’d want to keep the conversation as civil as possible. It’s easy to go guns blazing, accusing her of what she’s been doing, but that’s the fastest way to start an argument. And you don’t want that. Instead, aim for a productive conversation.
The point of this conversation should be to explain how her actions hurt you and her dad. Tell her situations where you felt she was manipulating you and why you think she should stop.
It’s best if your boyfriend does the talking. He’s closer to her than you and more likely to get a positive response from her.
Know Your Boyfriend’s Daughter
Even if the conversation was enough, you need to try and know your boyfriend’s daughter more. Having a relationship with her should be independent of her dad and will decrease her manipulation, especially towards you.
Your boyfriend’s daughter subconsciously sees you as competition for her father’s attention and affection. When you try to know her, you’ll make her stop seeing you as someone competing for her dad’s attention but as a friend. You may not be interested in being her friend, but that’s the best way to stop the manipulation.
Remember, you don’t have to be friends with his daughter, but you need to be on good terms with her as you’ll see her at family gatherings and maybe many times a year.
How To Stop Your Boyfriend’s Daughter From Manipulating You
Here are tactics that may help you stop your grown boyfriend’s daughter from manipulating you:
Confrontation is excellent for stopping people from manipulating. This is especially great for people who fear confrontation. The more someone fears confrontation, the more this method will work. And you’d be surprised to realize how many people fear confrontation. Note that this strategy may be difficult to emulate if you fear confronting others.
When you call your boyfriend’s daughter about her behaviour, she will likely stop the manipulation. If not, you will have to turn to other extreme measures. Remember to involve her father when you’re engaging in any conversation or confrontation with her. That’s because he knows how to deal with her better than you.
Be Kind To Her
This is another effective way of stopping your boyfriend’s daughter from manipulating you – kill her with kindness. Regardless of her behaviour, try your best to show her kindness and respect. And although doing so may physically hurt or even take time, she will have to stop her behaviour in the long run.
It isn’t easy to mistreat someone when they are kind to you. Ensure you also don’t come out as fake or sarcastic. Just be kind to her; most likely, her manipulation towards you will stop.
This is the least desirable strategy and remains the last resort to dealing with your boyfriend’s daughter’s manipulative actions. If the daughter lives alone, implementing this method would be easier. Here, you can choose to avoid contact with her. But before doing that, explain to your boyfriend that you are not looking for trouble and don’t like his daughter’s behaviour, and thus, would like to avoid having contact with her.
You can start by unfollowing her or removing her from your friend list on your social media pages. If you wish, you may even block her from your contacts list. When doing so, it’s good to inform her what you’ll do and why. This way, she’ll know what’s happening and not be surprised, leading to more manipulation.
If your boyfriend lives with her daughter, things may be trickier. You’d want to limit your time at his house and, if possible, avoid going there altogether. Make sleepovers and dinners at your place, or you can even choose to go out instead of his house.
Dating someone with a manipulative daughter is very challenging. The best to do in such a situation is to try and address the behaviour without harming the relationship. This is especially crucial if the daughter is hurting your relationship.
Be composed as you try to work things out regarding her behaviour. Remember, there’s a thin line between standing up for yourself and being kind.