A mother-daughter relationship is a complex one. The duo may seem to be doing great, wearing matching outfits and serving mother-daughter goals in one minute only to engage in disputes the next. And although disputes are part of life, sometimes they are extreme.
If you are a mother, how is your relationship with your daughter, and vice versa? Is it a rosy one or a complicated one? If complicated, did it start lately, or has it been that way ever since? If you and your daughter were a lot closer before, but nowadays, she’s resentful or acts mean, it doesn’t mean she’s having a grudge against you. But it could be caused by numerous issues. Here are possible reasons why daughters are mean to their mothers.
Reasons Why Daughters Are Mean To Their Mothers
You’re A Controlling Mother
Do you feel you should have control over your daughter’s life as a mother? And if you’re having difficulty controlling her, do you exert your authority over her more? If you do so, that could be why your daughter is mean to you.
We all know mothers want the best for their daughters, but there comes a time when you have to let your daughter make decisions alone. But if you want to be so controlling to make decisions on their behalf, your relationship with your daughter may crack.
One, your daughter is now a grown-up. And to feel like they’re adults, they need to make their own decisions. So, when you don’t let them do so, they’ll feel like you don’t trust them enough to make their own decisions. This can make them resent you and exhibit mean behavior.
Therefore, if you’re controlling, stop. Let your daughter decide what she wants to do with her life. Show her that you love and trust her by supporting her decisions in becoming who she wants to be in life.
You Are Nosy
Mothers can be nosy sometimes and feel they should know everything happening in their homes, including their daughter’s plans. A little curiosity is healthy, but too much of it may seem nosy.
Older daughters and teenagers need privacy. And although your daughter used to tell you everything when she was young, that doesn’t mean she’ll do, or you should expect so when she’s grown. It’s okay if she needs some privacy, and if you become intrusive, you may be hurt when she becomes mean towards you.
So, are you a nosy mother? Because if you’re your daughter will not feel safe around you. Let her make her decisions and give her the space she needs. This way, she’ll know you trust her and her decisions.
You’re Not A Listening Mother
Do you listen to what your daughter says or brush it off as if they are a child? If you don’t listen to your daughter, don’t be surprised if she does the same to you. After all, she’s emulating what she’s been experiencing, and the easiest way to deal with such a situation is to treat your daughter with respect. Give her respect, and that is what you’ll get in return.
To get started with listening to your daughter, listen and value her suggestions and opinions. For instance, you can ask her what she’d like for dinner and go with her choice. Although this may seem like a simple thing to do, it shows her that you’re listening and values her suggestions.
Go on and gather more momentum by asking her opinions on various matters. Like asking her what color she thinks would be nice on the kitchen walls. Or which attire would look good on you.
You’re An Absent Mother
This is another common reason why daughters turn mean to their mothers. Children need lots of emotional support when growing. And your daughter may have looked upon you for support as you’re her mother, but you failed. And this made her feel neglected, which can translate to her being mean and angry towards you.
Are you always there for your daughter? Note that being physically present but emotionally absent doesn’t count either. You can be present in the house all day, and your daughter still feels neglected by you.
If you neglected your daughter or were not always there for her, that could explain her meanness. She may be acting mean as a way of retaliation, dismissive and cold since that’s how she felt you acted towards her. Although mending such an issue is hard, you can try by being there for her anytime she’s facing hurdles.
You’re A Narcissistic Mother
Some mothers see their daughters as an extension of themselves. Such mothers view their daughters as trophy children and expect so much from them. They may force them to join school competitions and push them to win to have something to brag about. The daughters of these mothers may do their best to make their mothers happy, but when they finally win, they start resenting and acting mean.
That’s so because they feel their value is tied to the medals and trophies they bring home. And that without them, they are not worthy of love or affection.
If you’re in such a case, it may be challenging to re-gain your daughter’s trust, as your daughter may feel like you only love her when she’s winning. However, you can try. Be patient and show your daughter that you love and support her whether she’s winning or on the losing end.
You Are Judgmental
Setting high standards for your daughter to achieve could explain her mean behavior towards you. Your daughter may have felt she’s not good enough anytime she tries to, and this can make her stop trying and be dismissive.
It’s hard to stop being judgmental, but you’ll have to if you want to mend your relationship with your daughter. Complement your daughter without criticizing her, and she’ll start listening to you with time.
By now, you clearly understand why your daughter acts mean towards you. If she started lately, do the right thing and prevent your relationship from worsening. But if it’s been an ongoing thing, seek counseling together. Be patient with her as you two try to bond again. And although she may resist at first, she’ll loosen up with time, and you’ll be happy together again.