For a child losing one parent through death or divorce is a blow. They might view a stepparent as another intruder who wishes to take away the remaining parent from them, arousing jealousy and competition.
On the other hand, being a stepparent is an adventure most people are not well prepared for and may develop resentment and hate towards stepchildren. This article looks at possible reasons why you hate your stepdaughter and how to deal with it.
Causes Of Hatred Towards Stepdaughter
Being A Girl
Being a stepparent to a daughter, especially a stepmother, is not a mean task. Often girls are close to their fathers, and when he remarries, the girl may resist. Girls crave emotional and physical attention from their fathers.
According to researchers, when girls and fathers have a good bond, the girls are likely to excel better in life. As a stepmother, you should be ready for this perceived jealousy.
Lack Of Preparation
Being a stepparent is a tricky task and requires a lot of preparations before delving into it. You should consider a counseling session before marrying a spouse with kids. It is not easy to parent a biological child, and it becomes harder with a stepchild.
Try to make the first meeting with your stepdaughter-to-be short and avoid raising high expectations with the girl. If you have biological children too, arrange a meeting with the two sets of children and begin fostering a relationship. At this stage, do not pressure the children in any way.
We have heard people say stepparents are wicked and stepchildren are big-headed. These are myths that are not applicable across the board. If a stepparent comes into a marriage with such a mind set, they will likely develop hate for a stepdaughter without any reasonable cause.
For instance, a stepmother wrote in an online review that she hated her seven-year-old for four years just because she did not like how the girl talked, played, and everything about her. Such hate is not warranted and is unjustifiable.
When a girl loses a parent through death or divorce, she will require time to grieve the loss. If the remaining parent rushes to remarry, the girl might resist the step-parent and act in a way that will trigger hate between the two. The grieving process takes time and varies from one to another.
How To Cope With Hate For Stepdaughter
It is normal to experience hate for your stepdaughter once in a while. However, if the hatred persists and has no justifiable cause, you should work out the relationship and reverse the trend. You can consider the following methods;
One thing that should always be in your mind is that there is no magic when it comes to parenting. There is no ideal universal methodology that works for all. As you work your way out, be patient and expect some fallbacks in the cycle.
You should avoid being too strong on yourself or your stepdaughter as you seek to build a lasting relationship. For some people, the process may take a short time, while for others, it could take years. Avoid projecting your anger and frustrations with your spouse or ex to your stepdaughter.
Communication with your stepdaughter and spouse is paramount when you are resolving hatred. It is crucial to have age-appropriate communication with the girl and get to learn her expectations and work a way out.
Be cautious not to trash their ideas but discuss what is workable. Involve the biological parent in the discussion and sometimes allow them to sort issues in your absence. It is particularly harder to communicate with a grieving teen. You may consider talking to a professional when unable to deal with her.
Remember the girl might still be grieving the loss of a parent. It is crucial to understand what they are going through and give them time to heal.
Allow Them To Be Independent
As a stepparent, there is an urge to monitor and control the life of your stepdaughter. Depending on the age, allow the girl room to be independent without interference. Respect her reasonable boundaries. Such respect will help her trust you and may improve the bond between you two.
The idea of having a stranger in your parent’s life is hard to deal with, especially when a girl imagines having step-siblings. The worst mistake a stepparent can make is to have a favorite child. Avoid discriminating between the children and treat them all as family. Well, it may not be easy, but it is possible.
Address Sibling Rivalry
Step siblings may develop resentments towards each other. It is essential to address such rivalry when it arises. Allow them to differ but encourage respect, trust, and honesty.
As a stepparent, disciplining a stepdaughter may seem to be a hard thing to do. But with a good relationship, it is easy. Use age-appropriate discipline measures to help the girl desist from misbehavior. If you hate her, she will pick it out and will resist such punishments. You could also allow the biological parent to punish the girl.
Have Fun Activities
Learn the interests you have in common with your stepdaughter and engage in them together.
Get A Me Time
After all is said and done, you should be in a good mental state to appreciate and love your stepdaughter. It is helpful to take some me-time and do what you enjoy most. When you have high self-esteem and love yourself, it is easy to project the same to your stepdaughter.
In conclusion, some people hate their stepdaughters. It is a common phenomenon, but one needs to work on it to avoid deterioration to other unwanted actions. The tips highlighted above might help you work out your relationship with her.