Having kids feels like you are on a rollercoaster day in and day out. There are days you love the idea of having young ones around you, but there are those that you wish you didn’t have those kids. You might feel like they have ruined you physically, emotionally, socially, and financially. Being prepared before getting children influences your feelings after birth. Your personality might also affect how you feel about kids.
For instance, if you are a controlling and short-tempered person, kids could easily piss you off. They call for attention and will change your programs and daily routine. If you are rigid, such changes will not go down well.
How Does Having Kids Ruin Your Life?
Kids can ruin your life in multiple dimensions if you are not well prepared; mentally or emotionally, physically, socially, and financially. We look at each of these dimensions.
When you have kids, you will be emotionally drained. You will worry, be anxious, and think about your children all their lives. Having a kid limits you as you are always thinking of them. So, it’s true that kids will ruin you emotionally. The best thing is that you can get support from friends and family and if possible, a professional to help you cope with parenting.
Are you a party mama or dad? Having kids will ruin your carnival life for a few months, if not years. For instance, before a mother heals from the tears and pains of childbirth, she will not be able to go out. A father also gets inconvenienced as you will spend some time indoors looking after mama and baby. Kids surely ruin your social life.
You are bound to provide for your child until they grow up and can survive on their own. What this means is kids will take a big chunk of money. It could run to hundreds of dollars. You will buy food and clothes, cater for medical expenses, education, entertainment, and everything this child requires. It is crucial to understand that kids ruin your finances.
Mama, giving birth will ruin your physical appearance. Pregnancy will make your belly bulge and may take time to get back to the usual shape. Your breasts will become big, and after breastfeeding, they could sag. You will also likely get stretch marks, perineal problems, pelvic floor damage, and hemorrhoids. Luckily for the father, you may not get a lot of physical changes though you could add a few kilos of weight.
Postpartum Mental Disorders
After giving birth, a mother can suffer from mental disorders. Such disorders include postpartum psychosis, blues, and depression. The feeling you have against your kids could be due to these disorders, which require medical attention. Your doctor will help you identify the cause of your problem and will help treat the condition.
How To Overcome
It is normal to feel like your children have ruined your life. You are not alone in this, do not beat yourself down. You could get help in overcoming this feeling. Below are tips that could help in this journey.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
The first step in solving your problem is to acknowledge how you feel. Its true kids may ruin your usual routine and program. This feeling could fade away with time, but in some instances, it may not go away.
Identify The Cause
After acknowledging your feelings, try to identify the root cause of your feelings. Could it be poor preparation, societal pressure, or too high expectations? It is easier to solve a problem that you have already identified.
Don’t expect Too Much
Do not have high expectations of your kids, spouse, family, or community. They will likely let you down. Manage your expectations, change what you can, and leave what you can’t change, or get another way out.
Bond With The Kids
Take time to engage in fun activities you enjoy with your kids to develop a bond. You can watch a movie, play some fun games, swim, cook, or do any other activity that you will all enjoy. It could be fun to have kids and may help you have a different perspective on life.
You could enlist help from your spouse, family, friends, religious groups, or professional therapist. It is okay to talk to a trustworthy person about your feelings. They may help you deal with your situation.
Communication is an essential step in solving this feeling of kids ruining your life. You could also have an age-appropriate talk with your kids. Avoid criticizing or making them feel useless. It could lead them to depression and self-hate. Communicate to your spouse about how you feel about the children.
Expect Kids To Disgust You
Do not expect kids to behave like adults! Some things they will do will outrightly disgust you. Your kid will break items, throw tantrums, and when they are older, they will be angry with your choices, and some may piss you off on your face.
Allow Kids To Grow
Give your children room to grow. Allow them freedom and independence to develop physically, mentally, and emotionally. They will make mistakes. Guide them and let them be. Show them love and approval.
Give The Children Up For Adoption
When you conclude that you are unable to handle the children anymore, it is better to give them up for adoption. When you have a mental breakdown, are financially incapable, or are not physically able to care for your children, the government authorities could force you to give up the kids to foster care.
In conclusion, having kids could ruin your life. The primary cause is lack of preparedness, postnatal mental blues, postnatal depression, and puerperal psychosis. Your doctor could help you treat these medical conditions. The tips highlighted above in this article could help you overcome the feeling.