Coming to Terms: Navigating the Decision of No More Babies
The decision not to have another baby brings about grief and apprehension. The suffering is even worse if your partner decides not to add to the family number. You may find yourself shifting blames and wondering how you’ll come to terms with not having another baby.
Closing the chapter on more babies is not as easy as it may seem for many moms. There comes brokenness, an emptiness, and a sense of loss once the decision is finalized. Whatever the reason or cause, you can come to terms with not having another baby.
However, that requires work. Hang in here as we discuss a healing (mourning) process on how you can come to terms with not having another baby.
How Can You Come To Terms With Not Having Another Baby?
There could be health reasons why you cannot have another baby. Or your husband is not of the idea to the extent of getting a vasectomy. Irrespective of the cause, coming to terms with such a tough decision brings emptiness and a void hard to ignore.
If not dealt with, the void will soon become a part of you and maybe even consume you. Life will continue tormenting you with other mothers’ babies. Your children will grow up, become independent, and leave you to feel less needed, worsening the situation.
Motherhood is a gift, and realizing suddenly that you’ll no longer be part of this exclusive club can be heart-wrenching, to say the least.
To overcome all these emotions and come to terms with the decision, you’ll have to let yourself morn. Mourn the fact that you’ll no longer be pregnant, experience kicks, snuggle that little munchkin, etc.
When you mourn, you let yourself feel the challenging emotions before accepting them and coming to terms with the situation. Mourning is a crucial stage in helping you heal and accepting that you will no longer have kids. Here’s a detailed step-by-step procedure for the mourning process.
Sadness
When you officially decide no more babies, you may experience heartache, especially when you think you’ll never feel the experience again. Items that once meant a lot to you may cause bile to rise in your throat, bringing sentimental feelings. Similarly, it is holding someone’s baby without breaking down.
Feeling sad is inevitable, but you don’t always have to let yourself be sad. Distract yourself from sadness by filling your time with other activities. If you have other children, shift the attention to them and get involved in everything they’re doing. And if the sadness waves are too overwhelming and you feel like crying it out, lock yourself and do that.
Relief
Relief is another crucial feeling you’ll experience when coming to terms with no more babies. And although you’ll be sad that you’ll no longer experience pregnancy and motherhood, you’ll also be glad there’ll be no more burp clothes or binkies. You’ll also be relieved that there’ll be no more morning sickness, labor, exhaustion, midnight feedings, and sleeplessness.
It’s liberating that you can finally fold and give away maternity clothes, bottles, baby clothes, binkies, and toys. Whether the relief feelings are bittersweet or glad, they are feelings you need to treasure to help you come to terms with no additional babies.
Nostalgic Curiosity
It’s human nature to imagine how your family would have been had you been able to have another baby. What would the baby be like? Will their personality be different from your other kids? You’ll become nostalgic when packing items that mark milestones, toys, sippy cups, Halloween costumes, etc.
However, consider how having another baby will impact your marriage, especially if your partner is against the idea. Remember that nothing extra can make you happy if you’re not already satisfied. These feelings of incompleteness are not natural. And who said having another child will make you feel complete?
Gratitude
Whether you have one, two, three, or four children, your family is complete, despite wanting another baby. You are in control and can plan your future, college, personal career goals, vacations, etc. You won’t have sporadic schedules or be tied down any longer by another baby. Not having another baby also means taking better care of yourself. You can begin watching your weight and even be thrilled that you’ll never fit in maternity clothes again.
Every stage in life is a phase that doesn’t last forever. So, stop imagining the future as you are already living in it. Instead, be present and live in the present moment. Spend as much time as possible with your family, bond with them, and create memories together. Count your blessings and be grateful for what you have; your blessings will multiply folds and folds.
Acceptance
You may have tried hard but became unsuccessful. Maybe you have fertility issues and have exhausted all gynecologists in your area. Or your health may be deteriorating, and your doctor has already warned you against having another baby.
Sometimes it could be financial strains, and your spouse is head set against another baby. Or even circumstances forced you to ditch the thought of having another baby.
Whatever the reason, accept things as they are. Accept what life has thrown your way, even if that means not having more babies. Acceptance is essential to eventual healing. Once you accept that, you’ll be at peace, and coming to terms with the decision will be easier. You’ll also recover and soon realize making that decision alone puts you in a privileged and lucky position.
Conclusion
Coming to terms with not having another is not easy, but it’s not rocket science either. It takes time, patience, and determination. But the most crucial thing is staying optimistic and excited about what’s next. Enjoy time with the kids you have, even if it’s one. Laugh together, bond, and create memories.
Ensure the kids are well-taken care of and lack nothing, not even a sister/brother. And if your kids are grown, establish a way to channel those maternal instincts. You can opt to teach, coach, or mentor young children. Better still, you can invite chances to babysit nephews, nieces, or friend’s babies.