Julianna has a new nemesis.
About a week ago, J started talking about “Cash Girl.” Details are scarce. All I know is that she is a cashier in an ice cream store, and she has issues. I was introduced to her on one of J’s one-sided phone conversations. (Italics are my commentary).
J is pretending she’s on the phone. The first thing we learn is that Cash Girl is a taker.
J: Let’s get over with this. Huh? You want to take away my TV? You want to me to move out of my house? You don’t want me to have my princess room. Cash Girl, this is bad. I cannot do this. You want to take away ALL of my toys? Not all of my toys! You can’t do that! C’mon. You’re an angry girl and you’re grown up – so ACT NICER.
Cash Girl is a narcissist.
You think you’re gonna get presents b/c you think you’re good. Oh Cash Girl, you know Santa’s not going to give you presents. He’s going to give you coal. What? I’m not getting any presents? Of course I will….
CASH GIRL! You want to break my ceiling? You want to break my chandelier? Huh? You want to break the whole house? I will have nothing to live in. Huh? You’re gonna take away my house? There’s CEMENT. (J knows that houses have a cement foundation – she asked me one day why houses don’t blow away.)
She is an inhibitor of fashion and promotes infectious disease.
CASH GIRL. Stop that. You want to take away all of my clothes? Oh Cash Girl, that would take DAYS. Huh? If I told you once, I told you a thousand times. You want me to catch chicken pox and polio and leprosy? Oh Cash Girl…stop this.
And now she’s sounding scary.You want to flood the house? But that will ruin the floors. You want to do that anyway? You want to break everything? In our house? Even our cars? You want to know where I live? Well, I won’t tell you. You want me to tell you this instant or you’ll kill me?
M: (not liking the direction this is going) Why not just hang up, Julianna?
J: Mom,…she sighs... She keeps calling me.
M: Why don’t you block her number?
J: The only way to do that is to take it to the Dragon Force and have one of them breathe fire on my phone. You have to destroy the phone. (J has an answer for everything. Dragon Force?)
CG has, unfortunately, stuck around. Instead of the one-way phone conversations, J calls on me to fill the role: “Mom, be Cash Girl.”
Cash Girl, in my opinion, is an uninteresting mean girl. It’s not my favorite role, but she has led us to some funny moments.
I’m doing J’s treatment.
J: Mom, tell CG that you’re a queen.
M: Cash Girl, I’m a queen.
J: She doesn’t believe you.
M: Why should she believe me? I don’t dress like a queen. And I’m a doctor.
J: Some queens have special duties. Wear a tiara.
I oblige, then I brush her teeth.
J: There. Now you look like a queen. That tiara makes your eyes sparkle.
Cash Girl, see, she’s a queen.
M: Oh shoot, Julianna. I forgot to do your inhaler. We’ll have to brush your teeth again.
I look for her inhaler and can’t find it. I get a new one from the supply closet.
J: What does Cash Girl say?
M: See? Your mom isn’t a queen. What kind of a queen forgets to do your inhaler, and then can’t even find it?
J: in a serious tone Cash Girl…, my mom is old. She forgets things.
CG is the anti-J, which means that they have opposite fashion philosophies. CG thinks that J should only wear brown, black and gray. No sparkle, everything plain.
J: This is not funny. I take this personally.
She’s also brought up a profound truth: love is a superpower.
We’re talking about superheroes.
M: What’s your superpower, Julianna?
J: I love. What does Cash Girl say about that?
M: She says “That’s not a superpower! What a fake.”
J: It IS a superpower. It makes bad people become good.